8/4/13

I guess I saw this coming. With all the people I have met,since Midge,the person I choose...it had to be complicated didn't it? I don't know if he even likes me,it seems like he does sometimes and sometimes its just...nothing. I always thought I was a good girl,a good person..I would have a good boyfriend who would make me feel like I was loved for all of who I was. I never would have expected me to be this person. I am no longer in school,it kills me. I feel like I am a failure,I didn't even complete the ONE thing I promised myself I would do. I work,but I hate my job. My boss makes me cry,and everyone want to put blame on everyone else. I like a boy.He is kind and awful in the most amazing ways. Everyone is always saying he is such a great person and he is but...I don't know. We slept together,he didn't remember. We went on a date,he rejected me.I kissed him and he asked me why I did that. All I wanted was for him to hold my hand,but he said no. He talked to me,and I felt that,even though he was telling me why he couldn't like me,I was getting a bit closer.I don't even know why I like him. He makes me feel strange,My heart hurt when he rejected me,Id think about him at random times of the day. I liked him from the first time I saw him. I cried when he said he couldn't remember what had happened that night. He had made me feel so wanted and happy and the turned around and made that into nothing...I just cant stop liking him. I want to,I know this is going to end badly for me,I feel like I am going to get hurt,but I just can't stop myself for hoping for that chance. I wonder everyday if I am good enough for someone. I want to prove to myself I am,I want to feel what I feel now,all day everyday,that awful wonderful feeling... I want it,and I want it to be just mine. I will wait,I spent all this time looking for someone to make me feel that way again,so I can wait. For my hearts sake I hope it goes my way. :)